How I Picked an Avocado

a short "how to not."

What you will need:
-an almost idolatrous fondness for avocados
-little to no perception of actual distance
-help

Let's get started!

First, I had it presciently revealed to me that the article I had mistaken as the cast-off Halloween prop for a feral lacrosse* player was actually a fruit picker.

Then, I happened upon the avocado tree. Hallelujah!

mmm...Avocados. I knew they were not ready. I was told as much. 'But what's to stop me,' I plotted, 'from picking one and eating it anyway?'

I stalked my prey and found a likely candidate. An avocado, darker than the rest, dangling just above my head. I went for the picker. But I'm no fool. I recognized I wouldn't be able to reach the fruit just from the ground. So I grabbed a chair as well.

Hmm. Not quite.

So I grabbed a step ladder.

Hmm. Just a little further.

So I grabbed a ladder ladder.

shit.


Flash forward five minutes. The picker has malfunctioned. It has not picked anything, only dangled from it. Feebly. I had managed to (heaven knows how) lunge from the "this is not a step" step, javelin the picker over the fruit - and let go. And there it was. And there (short of my leaping off the ladder to grab hold of the picker and careen with it to the ground) it seemed likely to remain.

Until Charlie came and got it down for me - and the avocado as well.

Bless that Charlie.


*for which word I wikipediaed "sport" and perused a list of leagues. The google search for "sport with hand-net to catch ball" had yielded no fruit.