Thursday, January 29, 2009

my love

I love him.




sorry guys. I really will figure out how to take sharper video.

...maybe I'll actually crack that instruction-manual-thingy.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

get your goat

Cliches as amended by the girls*:

[*note: they have plain terrible mouths. I apologize. I will severely reprimand them for making all you sailors blush.]

1) "Is that a peanut in your pocket or am I just happy to see you?"

2) "The grass is always greener on the other side of the electric fence goddamnyou."

3) "She has gone on to better pastures. That lucky little - "

4) "Many hands make light - whoa who the hell is THAT? and that? Don't touch me. I don't know who you think you are..."



I wipe a tear from mine eye. Phew. I've been cracking up all day.

laughing?

Come on kids. They're funny.

Okay. Fine. I'll leave you to chew them over for a while...




they're certainly laughing... can't you see the hilarity abounding?


Come back soon for more frolicking good times at the Hi Island Goat Farm!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

on the other

hand, how can one hate a place where - in the course of a single day - one sees fourteen rainbows and two (and a half) whales?

Perhaps, when I refer to Hawaii, I should temper my tongue a bit.

I do not hate Hawaii.

I merely resent it.

HA! take that rainbows!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

blech


i hate hawaii.

i do.

i really do.

i just discovered a slug in my water glass.

the one i was drinking from.

i saw it inside the glass as i was pouring its contents into my mouth.

not nice.




Friday, January 16, 2009

don't try this

at home.

the 'self-sucker.'




She is bad. BAD! Naughty naughty goat.

This goat is particularly fond of self-sucking. So much so, in fact, that when she kidded a few days ago she took advantage of the pauses between contractions to have herself some little snacks.

Slurp slurp slurp.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

da da DA!

On particularly fine days the goats are well nigh impossible to bring in from pasture for the evening milking. You have to haul them one by one into the barn - and once you get them there, there is no guaranteeing that that is where they will remain while you fetch in the next forty-eight.

Still all hope is not lost for this Sisyphian task.

I have discovered the perfect way to get them all indoors quickly and (relatively) painlessly. Just wander out behind them in a vain attempt at rounding them up and, while reaching for one of the girl's collars, trip over your own foot and crash to the ground all pinwheeling arms and flailing feet. You'll scare the bejeezus out of the goat you nearly fall on top of, and she - in her panicked dash for safety - will panic everyone else in turn. The ensuing rout will clear the field in a jiffy. Leaving you plenty of time to limp back to your trailer and change your pants (as they are now covered in soggy goat poo).


Fret for my integrity, friends. For I have learned that insidious lesson in which all tyrants have been schooled:

How to rule with fear.

BwaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

from the shower


I love these damn things.

Monday, January 12, 2009

woe to me

Ummm... hello? Is anybody out there? yoohoo?

Oh good. There you are.

Hmm. I know I've been gone a while, but guys? it wasn't because of you. Okay? Don't blame yourselves. I love you and all that you stand for. It's me. My problem. Okay?

I know, I know. I come back all of the sudden and expect you all to be here. Just waiting. And caring. It's too much, I know. But please understand, I needed this. I needed to go away for a spell and just really wallow in self pity. You understand?

Of course you do.

I mean, poor me. Really. Trapped in Hawaii - wearing short shorts and running out of sunblock. I had all these plans to run off to faraway paradises but noOOOooOOOoo. I just had to go and get myself stuck here. Pshaw. Seriously. The beach is forty minutes away. What kind of Hawaii is that?

Also, I'm a farmer now. I want to enjoy the 'fruits of my labor.' Well I tell you the fruits are not of my labor or anybody's. How can I enjoy those fruits when I did not labor for them? When they are, in fact, so plentiful, that the labor is in enjoying all of them?

It's not like I can enjoy the 'cheeses of my labor' now can I? That just sounds ridiculous.

And nobody told me about the mold. Everything is moldy. Everything. Including myself if I stand still long enough.

To top it off the people are all really nice and laid-back. What the hell is THAT? Where is the angst? The ennui? I'll tell you. It's surfing, that's where. And drinking up sunshine on the near-distant beach. (When it should rightly be, in my opinion, slipping on icy sidewalks and grumbling into its cups in bars and cafes, not playing ukuleles. {And don't think I'm joking about that. Or exaggerating. I'm not. You show me a ukulele-free beach in Hawaii and I'll point out the fact that there is a screaming gale and it's 3:30 am.})

yak. all this sunshine is getting to me.

If you get some time, please forward pity.