The Thrill of the Hunt

TARA! Terror of Terrestrials

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Like a Sheep to the Slaughter - er, cow, i mean

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The Scythe-Cycle

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Death on Wheels

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How I Killed a Cow (Without Really Trying)


I killed a cow. Okay I didn't kill the cow, but I played an instrumental role in its untimely demise. (Even more instrumental than that time in Ireland when I actually drove the cow to the butcher).

I was out riding one day. Twas a lovely day for cycling. For sightseeing. For slaughter. Or so it would seem.

Several cows had broken out of their pasture and were cruising along the road - Let me insert a quick note here: when I'm on my bicycle animals hate me. I am an unholy terror on two wheels. They'll placidly stand in front of a honking car with nary a flinch. But if I come along they all head for the hills. (Though I'll admit, I've really come to enjoy it when the turkeys flee. It's such fun to give chase - they're all a gobbling at the tops of their lungs and looking back at me sideways with their wee beady eyes. As they zig zag back and forth. And stay on the road. 'Ahhhhh!' They warble to one another. 'She's STILL behind us!')

umm... Where was I?

I'll begin again.

Several cows had broken out of their pasture and were cruising along the road unbeknownst to myself, as they were on the other side of a rather sharp bend, where the road circumnavigates a hill. I was going uphill (embarrassingly slowly). There was a car coming downhill (dangerously fastly). Keep in mind that none of us (cyclist, car, cow) was aware of the any of the others of us at this stage, due to the very specific geography of the place.

Now... how to explain without a diagram?

Cow was standing at the apex of the bend in the road, on the shoulder of the inner-lane - against the hill.

Car and Cyclist both reach the apex at same moment. Remember: Car go fast. Cyclist go (shamefully) slow.

Cow, not in road, sees car and cyclist at same time.

Cow, trapped with hill to cow's back, unhesitatingly flees from cyclist by bulleting past her, into the path of car (go fast).

Cows would rather throw themselves in front of fast cars than face me.


to be continued...